My reflection on 2023, a year of transformation & letting go.

A year of transformation & letting go

We are exactly a week into 2024 and I have been unwell. Typical and expected. These days, every time I push my body a little too far I will promptly get sick and my last couple of months have been stressful and intense so I am now doing my best to lean into as much rest as possible.

This is also the third blog post I am writing as a reflection of 2023. Having three businesses plus a personal newsletter has meant I have really milked a public show of reflection and it’s actually been a great way to be creative around this topic as well as sharing value. Below I have linked to what I have created already…

For SNAP I wrote about why 2024 won’t be your best year ever.

And then I wrote a deeper more personal reflection on my Substack.

I don’t actually view this time of year as the ‘New Year’ it’s the depths of winter, for me this time is about rest and reflection. A pause, not a time of action as the western/linear version of our calendar encourages. A lot of 2023 for me was about slowing down and letting go and as some of you may already know I am choosing to live more alongside the wheel of the year and the moon cycles.

Nature is cyclical, we are part of nature and linear, capitalistic living separates us from that. That separation can cause us to become burnt out and sick. Perpetual growth is not sustainable, so here I am trying to not feel like I am not doing enough during the time of year when we are not meant to be doing a lot.

I am not going to go deep into 2023 here, instead I am going to share four things…

What I let go of in 2023, my magic moments of 2023, what I am welcoming in for 2024 and my reading list from 2023.

What I let go of in 2023…

  • smoking

  • drinking

  • dating

  • saying sorry

  • shaving

  • being small and trying to fit in

  • ambition

Looking at that list I almost feel like I now sound quite boring. But actually letting go of all of those things has made room for so much joy and also a deeper love for my body. I am in the process of regaining my health after almost destroying myself through overworking and putting myself in harmful situations. Letting go is the single most important thing we can do if we want to make room for the things we really want. 2023 was very much about realising that for me.

The other big insight was that I needed to make space. And by making space I got to work out what actually gives me meaning in life. I almost put happy there but the reality is that happiness is a very small aspect of the human experience and I want capacity for all of it. That simple yet hard to do thing of making space changed everything and now I find myself on a journey that I never expected to take.

My magic moments of 2023…

What am I welcoming in for 2024…

  • more sea swimming

  • becoming a trauma informed somatic counsellor

  • doing my yoga teacher training (embodiment)

  • more long walks

  • more time in community

  • leaning deeper into cyclical and seasonal living

  • bringing joy and value to people through SNAP

  • learning tarot

  • loving my body

  • celebration and joy

  • more writing

I feel like 2024 has an edge of hope around it. 2023 was all about going inwards, diving into my shadow and feeling confused a lot. This year I feel, has more clarity but I still sense a lot of discomfort headed my way but I feel ready for that and open to what lies beyond. I feel at ease with discomfort, which is something of a paradox.

My friend shared this poem with me today and it sums up a lot of what I have been feeling…

Just Being,

‘Sometimes just being needs space to relax. It needs time to pause from the pressure of living up to the duties and expectations of a rigid framework, or rest from showing up in full armour everyday to protect a tender internal truth. Or sometimes just being needs to cry and feel into coarse emotions for awhile. Whatever it takes for all the layers of what has built up inside begin to unwrap the gift you truly are, deep within, just being.’ - Susan Frybort

Now what you have all been waiting for…

My reading list from 2023…

  • 101 essays that will change the way you think by Brianna West

  • Radical Honesty by Brad Blanton

  • Unmasking Autism by Dr Devon Price

  • When the body says no by Gabor Mate

  • Three Women by Lisa Taddeo

  • Salt & Skin by Eliza Henry Jones

  • The Tidal Year by Freya Bromley

  • How to do the work by Dr Nicole LePera

  • Wolfish by Erica Berry

  • Minor Detail by Adania Shibli

  • Sambac beneath unlikely skies by Heba Heyek

  • All about love by Bell Hooks

  • Communion by Bell Hooks

  • An Artificial Revolution, On Power, Politics and AI by Ivanna Bartoletti

  • My Body Keeps Your Secrets by Lucia Osborne-Crowley

  • Dreamland by Rosa Rankin-Gee

  • Enchantment by Katherine May

  • Awe by Dacher Keltner

  • None of the above by Travis Alabanza

  • We the heartbroken by Gargi Bhattacharyya

  • Beautiful world, where are you by Sally Rooney

  • Witches by Sam George-Allen

  • So long as you write edited by Kerry Ryan

  • Abolish the family by Sophie Lewis

I am currently reading…

  • My grandmother’s hands by Resmaa Menakem

  • Care work, dreaming disability justice by Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha

  • Babel by R.F. Kuang

  • The great cosmic mother by Monica Sjoo & Barbara Mor

One of my big invitations for 2024 is too read a lot more. I have spent a lot of money on books and also have an extensive reading list to go alongside my counselling course. I lost my capacity for reading during the pandemic and slowly I have been rebuilding my focus and finding joy there again.

I want to spend less time on social media and more time existing away from a screen but my favourite space online atm is definitely Substack. I want more substance from what I am consuming and I am really enjoying that platform.

Lastly, I started shooting film this year which has been nothing but a joy. I never want to make this work apart from maybe creating a print store later this year. I love the slowness, the intention and mindfulness of this and here are some photos that I took while on retreat with Yoke in the South of France at Le Bezy.

ami robertson