Well it’s been a while. I thought about just blogging my clients shoots, you know a business as usual approach but of course it just isn’t business as usual for any of us. I will be blogging my lovely clients while we are in this lockdown as I want to help with their visibility as much as possible but today I want to write about resilience.

I am one of the most resilient people I know and while that sounds like a brag I have no shame in that as I have had to go through trauma after trauma throughout my life to earn that badge of honour for myself. The truth of it is though we are all resilient we just often don’t get to know that side of ourselves until shit goes down and hasn’t the shit gone down in 2020?

It was two weeks ago today I started to feel like what was happening with Covid-19 was going to really impact us. I spent the day with friends and it was just when the mood was starting to change around what we should be doing. That night I also went out for dinner and drinks and London was feeling like a ghost town for a Friday but it also had this edge to it that made me feel a variety of emotions from sadness to fear. The next morning I woke up slightly hungover and in a panic that I had no food in my house.

That Saturday morning shop was probably one of the most bizarre experiences of my life, the shelves were starting to empty and the atmosphere felt like at any moment some sort of fight could break out. Oddly enough I still went out for dinner on the Saturday and then dinner and comedy on the Sunday, the comedian at comedy thanking us for coming as he didn’t know if they would even still be open in a weeks time really started to drive the message home.

Life was about to change.

And fuck me did it change. From that Monday onwards it was like all hell broke loose, the situation changing at a pace none of us could keep up with on a daily basis. We all watched in horror as our lives collectively crumbled. In the space of a few days we had gone from herd immunity and carry on as normal to the world closing and if you go outside you could kill someone. That is a huge trauma.

By Wednesday that week I was angry, frustrated, riddled with anxiety and at a point of total despair. I spent the day trying to desperately claw back some control over what was happening but by the evening I was in darkest of all places, a place I recognised only too well, a place I had spent a fortune on therapy to get myself out of. I started to feel cut off and alone as the endless social media drum of ‘lets be positive about this’ was going off on repeat and I started to shut down. Heading into that small space inside of me to hide.

I didn’t want to face this, I didn’t want another battle to keep my life together, I didn’t have the strength for another year of struggle. 2020 was meant to be my year, the one where I had put my life back together after losing everything, after facing trauma after trauma for the best bit of a decade.

THIS WAS NOT MEANT TO HAPPEN.

The next day I shut out the world, no news, next to no social media. I went for a walk, I did some yoga, I watched shit TV and ate food I liked. I also felt everything. I didn’t suppress, I just let every emotion come up and then I started to realise I was automatically using my newly found skills from therapy to help myself.

I had recognised what was happening, I had caught myself and put boundaries in place to stop myself descending further into my anxiety.

I then realised that all my previous trauma from the past equipped me for dealing with this situation.

All that work in therapy over the past year and personal development meant I was more than capable of surviving a global pandemic and today I want to share with you some tips to really tap into your resilience.

First up let go of all expectation. We all came into this year fired up and ready to make the most of the new decade, we had goals in place and a lot of us were well on our way to achieving them. March 2020 took all of that away, rapidly. Our goal posts changed in the space of a week but our heads are taking a while to catch up. The only way to deal with this is to let go of expectation. That is not an easy process, it will involve grieving and allowing yourself to feel the emotions around what has happened.
Over the past week I have managed to now move into a space where I am moving through time day by day without any expectation of what will or won’t happen. I have stopped trying to control everything and for now while things are still changing quickly that is the best place to be.
Self care is crucial. This is actually about setting boundaries more than anything else. Stop watching the news, stop endlessly scrolling on social media, try to eat well, go for the walk and get enough sleep. Those basic things will nourish you and will support your mind and body so you can be better equipped to deal with what is happening. Last year I discovered running as a way to help me switch off, that led to me quitting smoking and eating better which then led to me feeling better. The small necessary things we do for ourselves will allow us to weather this storm in a much easier way.
By looking after yourself you are giving yourself the tools to work through this in a much easier way. An example would be, if you have barely moved for 3 days, have endlessly watched the news and have had countless rows in Facebook groups your mindset is going to be fucked. So when that client email comes through or you have to make a difficult decision you are going to find it much much harder and potentially cause some long term damage you will regret later.
SO LOOK AFTER YOURSELF.
Find a distraction. When we are in a state of crisis we will focus all our attention on that crisis, usually in the hope that an opportunity is going to arise that will mean we can regain our control. We are being pumped full of cortisol and fight or flight mode is well and truly switched on. You must get out of this state. First of all it’s exhausting and extremely damaging to our physical and mental well being over a long period of time. So find a distraction.
This won’t be easy, your brain will be desperately trying to keep you obsessing because there is a threat but it’s really important that you step away from the chaos. For me it was picking up my camera. Over the past week I have enjoyed the simplicity of just looking for light in my home, capturing the kittens and taking the time to observe, capture and appreciate my new normal. It’s also given me a sense of purpose, some structure and it’s also bringing a little happiness to others. It’s a reminder to myself that despite these fast changes and the lack of control right now I can still create and do something I love.
The same is true for you, whether it’s baking or art or fitness whatever you choose just find a way to escape for a while. We can’t control what is happening to us but we can control how we decide to use our time.
Practise gratitude. There is always something to appreciate in our lives and more often than not big changes no matter how terrible bring positives into our lives. Practising gratitude will allow you to see the good things during a time of crisis but also help you spot the opportunities. Gratitude is an armour in times of adversity.

You are probably wondering what any of those things have to do with resilience. You see resilience isn’t something you just switch on or off. It’s something that needs to be tapped into and the above are tools to help you get there.

By implementing the above practises over the past week I have been able to cope and manage the change despite it’s fast pace. I have managed to make positive decisions for my business because I have clarity. I have been able to face my finances and get creative with them meaning that I now know I can survive this. I felt worthy enough to apply to be a volunteer so while I can’t work I can at least help others. I have photographed every single day my world and created images I love. I have felt capable to reach out, not only for myself but also to make sure that others are ok. I am finding happiness everyday despite the huge losses over the past couple of weeks.

I feel resilient and capable.

And you can as well.

Don’t expect it to be perfect (remember letting go of expectations) I still have moments of fear, anger and sadness. I still feel tired and have times where I don’t feel capable but doing the above makes it all so much easier to manage.

So just try, one little thing at a time and I promise day by day you will stronger.

The real winner is though I can promise you that on the other side of this, by tapping into your resilience you will be a stronger person with better habits.

Enough of me rambling now and enjoy the photos. I am trying to do this everyday and I am sharing them on my Instagram stories which you can find here https://www.instagram.com/the_woman_and_the_wolf/

Resilience during difficult times and my self isolation photo diary.