Is there a pathway for therapy?
Oh this is such a big question. Many people enter therapy because they are looking for relief, wanting to fix themselves or me to fix them and sometimes it’s because they are unconsciously coming from an oppressive agenda of wanting to shut down the more difficult aspects of being human. They come to cure their addictions, depression, grief, rage and pain.
Desperate to be told what to do and how to do it.
The truth is that there is no one size fits all cure, especially in the oppressive systems we live in, that must be honoured. We are human, we are messy, we will all suffer just as much as we don’t, we will fail & succeed and life will keep moving through. Therapy isn’t and shouldn’t be about stopping the human experience but it can perhaps be a pathway to being able to meet life with a little more ease from a place of our inherent wholeness.
And while all the above is true, there is something of a pathway, thats more spiral like than linear. There is a loose framework for our therapeutic journeys, it’s one I have observed in my own process, my clients and it’s something we received as part of our training in Somatic Therapy.
What I am sharing below is based on Judith Herman’s stages of recovery but I have also added in some of my own thought and observations.
Stage One: Establishing safety & stabilisation. This is where together we look to nurture a relationship, getting to know each other and building trust. This can take time to build our container together. And when I say safety, this should not be mistaken for comfort. The container and space we weave together should feel like a space where we can explore the difficult sticky things.
This is also where we can explore practices for resourcing, I can show you ways of tending to your body & building somatic awareness. This stage is about developing our relationship but also perhaps helping you to increase capacity and feel a little bit more ease with life and the world but without bypassing the challenges.
This is probably the most important stage. It has been shown that most healing from trauma has been through the relationship regardless of therapeutic modality or technique. It might also be the only stage we explore together, especially if you are still living through trauma or stress like abuse or poverty for example. It can cause more issues to decide to work on older material if we are still experiencing harm/stress/trauma.
As mentioned this is also a spiral, we may find ourselves back in this stage time and time again as we move through our process. I know for myself that has happened this year in a big way when some older material came alive again and rather than try to fix it, I have had to gently put it aside to resource and tend so my capacity can widen before coming back to it.
Stage Two: Remembrance & Mourning. This is where in collaboration with your body we will start to explore some of the older memories and experiences that might still be impacting your life now. This is about grieving and raging. The body usually is pretty clear on what wants to be known.
This is where you might start to get angry or experience a lot of grief. It can also feel like you are going backwards and if you become overwhelmed it’s important that we move into stage one again. This stage can feel messy, like an unravelling. I sometimes think of it as a descent. Together we go below the waterline and meet the beasts we have tried to push away or hide.
My role is to be your guide and support as you explore and meet yourself in this way. I can offer various processing techniques such as parts therapy and somatic experiencing but sometimes we find other creative ways to meet this. Maybe through movement, dance & art or perhaps the introduction of ritual to support grieving.
This is where you might learn that it wasn’t your fault. It’s also where you might get to experience radical acceptance, love and compassion. It’s where we reclaim you! Where you might remember you are whole.
And then we might need stage one again, to rest and to integrate. Remember, it’s a spiral :)
Stage Three: Reconnection & reconciliation with Self. Remember, this is a spiral, so this is not a destination that we want to get stuck in. We are constantly becoming and also experiencing life and it’s many ups and downs. But stage three can be where we find reconnection with ourselves, the world and life again.
Where the pain might feel a little easier, where the trauma has been alchemised and integrated, where we are capable of taking more responsibility for ourselves, where we can lean into connection, have purpose and experience more meaning in life. This is where curiosity and joy come alive but not in the way where we bypass the more challenging sensations like grief or rage. They are welcome here too.
We might find ourselves making changes, letting things end, being more vulnerable, finding more freedom in our bodies, perhaps experiencing relief from our symptoms and it can all happen in the most gentle of ways. Some people don’t even notice this stage until one day they just wake up and everything feels a little easier with beauty and gratitude becoming daily & familiar sensations.
This stage is also where I remembered my interconnection with EVERYTHING and that has been both incredible and bought new layers of grief & rage but I would not change it.
And then we might meet something else…
I can not reiterate how it important is to recognise that this is a process we move through time and time again. Each time becoming more and more ourselves in the world.
It’s also not limited to the container you might have with me or any other therapist. This the work of a lifetime and it’s not just contained to an hour once a week. You will experience this in action through your relationships, your work, nature and every other aspect of life.
Therapy can perhaps be the beginning, the door opening and someone stepping through with you before eventually you might not need them anymore.