How to heal your trauma. The truth and many modalities of trauma work.
Film photos by me from the Lizard in Cornwall
You might have landed here deeply aware of the trauma alive in your body or perhaps you don’t think you have trauma. It’s a very overused word these days and people don’t fully understand what it means.
So I will start there, with what trauma actually is and I will keep this as short as I can…
Trauma isn’t what happens to us, it’s what happens inside of us when something overwhelms our nervous system. This might be something huge, like a sexual assault or loss but it can also be something like ongoing chronic stress due to poverty, abuse or micro aggressions.
In clinical language you have PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) and also C-PTSD (complex post traumatic stress disorder) PTSD is usually related to a singular event while C-PTSD is related to complex and ongoing trauma (usually childhood) I am not going to go massively into this because it can be overwhelming but what is important to know is how people experience a traumatic event and whether they experience ongoing traumatic effects will be unique to every individual.
Trauma is what happens inside of you as a result of what happens to you.
- Gabor Mate
Trauma happens in the body, in our nervous systems and it occurs because we get stuck. Life is always going to have some level of trauma, stress and suffering, it’s truly unavoidable and that’s why our bodies have these amazing nervous systems so we can respond to these events throughout life appropriately. Trauma gets stuck when we don’t allow our bodies to respond and process these events.
I will use myself as an example here…
Last year I had two big traumatic events. One was a sexual assault and the other was witnessing and intervening on an assault.
With the sexual assault I had a lot of shame and self blame, my body knew it had been violated but I wouldn’t believe it and instead of allowing my body to do what it needed to do as well as being an empathetic witness (Peter Levine) I punished & isolated myself.
With the intervening on the racially aggravated assault I remember allowing my body to shake afterwards, I allowed myself to scream and cry, I called a friend who supported & witnessed me. And I still went to see some live music after where I danced & cried while allowing my friends to further support me.
The sexual assault has taken over a year of intentional work & processing to become a memory rather than something that is still alive in my system, while the second event just became a memory that is unpleasant within days afterwards. It’s important to note here that these are very different events and I also have a history of abuse but my point is more around how one event continued to be alive & stuck in my nervous system while the other was fully integrated at the time.
Trauma can often be running our lives without us even realising it. So many of us live with C-PTSD because of events from childhood for example and that can shape our personalities and impact us physiologically. Many chronic illnesses and other health problems both mental & physical have been linked to trauma.
An example could be that when a flight response gets stuck in our nervous system, over time that could start to manifest as maybe anxiety or avoidance depending on who is having the experience. Trauma also resides in our bodies as tension which can cause long term side effects and of course there is the cortisol that is constantly flooding our systems when we are dis-regulated that causes all kinds of health implications.
Many many books have been written on this and I will share some at the end of the post so I won’t go on much longer. Hopefully you have the gist of things… Trauma is what happens inside your body and nervous system and its very much a spectrum.
It’s also important to say that while trauma is destructive, it’s also transformative. Many people who have remembered that they are whole and processed/integrated traumatic events from their lives will say they wouldn’t change what happened to them because of how it transformed them. It’s always a paradox.
So now we have a little more understanding of what trauma actually is, I will share some ways that I have collaborated with my trauma. And I say collaborated because there is nothing to fix. Symptoms of trauma are just the bodies way of communicating with us. The process of healing is a process of remembering, it’s diving into our inner worlds and meeting ourselves fully. It’s a journey of softening, witnessing and allowing. You do not need fixing or curing. This journey should always be one of curiosity, compassion and courage.
KNOWLEDGE
An interesting place to start as this can seem very cognitive rather than somatic but snacks for our minds can be the easiest place to begin. Learning about my body, nervous system and trauma was what opened the door for me. Especially Polyvagal Theory. Knowledge can make our experiences far less isolating and it can also remove shame because when we understand whats going on we can be more compassionate and also curious. So read all the books, attend workshops, seek out teachers and guides and be in wonder of the incredible ways our bodies look after us.
BUT… make sure you allow for integration, it can be really overwhelming when we start to have realisations and put puzzle pieces together. Space to embody what we learn is crucial. So don’t forget to feel as well. There will be grief on this journey.
Book recommendations…
When the body says no by Gabor Mate.
My Grandmothers hands by Resmaa Menakem.
What my bones know by Stephanie Foo.
My body keeps your secrets and I choose Elena by Lucia Osbourne Crowley.
Spiritual Bypassing by Robert Augustus Masters.
Please buy books from independent bookshops if you can.
THERAPY
Personally I feel like therapy is something everyone should have access to in their lives. Sadly, I know that it isn’t for many reasons such as stigma and resources. So if you can, please go. Having the support of someone who has walked your journey and can hold AND give space for you is deeply powerful. We all need mentors, guides and teachers in our lives and that’s exactly what a good therapist is.
Having someone witness us with loving presence and active listening is incredibly healing. This is also where we can engage with processing techniques such as bilateral processing and parts therapy. I would recommend not engaging with those until you have some resources and regulation in place, as processing can bring up big stuff and we need to have capacity for that.
There are loads of different types of therapy and all have their place. That being said, after what I have learned over my own process, I would always check that whoever I am choosing to work with is actually trauma informed and understands the nervous system (polyvagal theory).
And remember… we are not looking for someone to fix us.
MASSAGE & ACUPUNCTURE
Both of these types of bodywork have been crucial in my own process. I have chronic pain and low level fatigue. Tending to these through massage and acupuncture have helped me massively.
So many of us have complicated and negative relationships with our bodies. We punish ourselves in many many different ways because of this. Many of us are completely disconnected from everything below the neck. Things like massage and acupuncture can be a really helpful way to engage in that compassion which is crucial for healing. If you can’t afford massage then know that self massage works just as well, massaging your feet, face and hands is deeply restorative.
Our bodies hold tension because of trauma. Things like massage are a bottom up approach that helps to create a relaxed muscle body. Which brings me on to my next tool.
THE RELAXED MUSCLE BODY
My teacher Aimee Rai of the ISOHH was the person who showed me this. It’s so simple it’s almost patronising but if we remember that trauma resides as tension in our bodies then being relaxed is one way of supporting our nervous systems.
But this is where it becomes an easier said than done thing. How many of us truly know how to relax? Do you know what it feels like to not be holding in your stomach? Or have a clenched pelvis? Are your shoulders up around your ears? And don’t get me started on the jaw.
This is not as easy as it sounds but it does work. The more relaxed our bodies are, the more at ease they can be, then the more space and capacity we have for life. And it can just start with noticing. Throughout the day check in with your body. Where are you tense? Can you soften? It’s ok if not, your body might not trust that it can yet BUT you can start to be curious about this.
MOVEMENT
So I am not talking about running, weights or HIIT. Which do all have a place btw. Exercise is important for our physical & mental wellbeing. It can also be an addiction or a way to punish ourselves. So I want to share some movement practises that have supported me while healing trauma.
Walking! I love walking, especially in nature and both those combined are so deeply regulating for our bodies. Also, try to slow down. I am the worst for walking quickly and slow walking can really irritate me which is always a sign that I am activated so slowing down is important. I also sea swim, again this is being in nature but also cold water. The goal being to find ease and relaxation in the discomfort.
Yoga & embodied movement. Our bodies LOVE dynamic & intuitive movement. Yoga can be a great way to access this but remember it’s not to get fit. It’s to find ease. You can also just spend 15mins on the floor everyday intuitively stretching to some music that you love. Dancing is also amazing and so is shaking, rocking & sighing. None of this needs to take hours. 5mins a day will be a great place to start.
And after you move…
JOURNALLING
People have a lot of resistance to this BUT it works. I especially like to write after I have moved my body as that is when things might make their way to the surface to be known.
Journalling can be like being your own therapist. It can be anything you feel needs to come out. It doesn’t have to make sense and no one will ever read it. This is just you meeting yourself. My process is pretty simple. Three things I feel grateful for and then I free write. Sometimes it’s just a paragraph, other times it’s 5 pages. It doesn’t matter. This is you being your own witness.
There are many other things I could share here but I don’t want to overwhelm you. These are all great places to start. And again I want to reiterate… you are already whole. Nothing about you needs to be fixed. Working with trauma is a process of emergence. It’s the bringing forward of the Self or Soul, the part of you that might have buried itself away as protection. It’s learning how to fully feel and allow for all of life and to meet that with ease.
I hope you found this helpful, for more helpful things and to know about my workshops, online classes and retreats just sign up to my email below…
Photo by Nadia Meli
Hello, my name is Ami and I am a trauma informed somatic therapist and yoga teacher specialising in somatic and embodied movement.
I offer 121 online therapy and also online classes, group work, workshops and in person retreats.